Last week's blog question and reading were so difficult that I actually did the reading 3 times on 3 different days. It is this whole question of the dying of self or false selves. And why does Jesus say the seed is dead when it contains life in its potential (?) AND false selves are part of a whole and that wholeness is with God, the good and the bad so even though I seem to be the only one to blog---it is a very good way for me to study and pray, I just think others need to try it, because I am not a blogger in any other "self"----
If you die to self what of the goodness that is a part of that same painful or destructive self. In your sermon one week ago you spoke about a perceived abandonment in your childhood. While that self is destructive at times and blocks rightessness with God, other parts of that abandonment may have taught you for example to use care with you own children, or other children.
I have TONS of childhood pain---orignal abandonment as an orphan, a very ill very powerful and beloved father who went to Federal prison in shame, and when I was 12 I found him having sex in my childhood bedroom with his secretary. When I was 15 he collapsed and died on our kitchen floor, before my eyes. I loved him so much and to this day and every day, good things he taught me re-teach me. Love one another was how he lived and how I aspire to live.
So you talked about dying to that child abandonment and yet your father obviously inspired you.
So these all-so-healthy Zen types how to they view growth through suffering. What is the meaning of suffering? For the seed to grow you have to peel off the dead exterior but it isn't that shell of decay that nurtures the life within? Can you comment on all of this confusion I have been carrying around all week about death of self?
I will tell you that this lent has been the most informing spiritual period of my life. I hear and feel God more than ever and that brings both peace and challenges. It is like I hear a calling to serve but with more prayer comes more questions. Clear then cloudy then clear. I am so grateful to God for bringing me closer to Him. I sense big changes before me, but I am greatly comforted and not afraid, I am not alone and maybe will never be alone again.
Thank you for being a good teacher. I feel very welcome at First Presbyterian.
I loved hearing Sarah’s words… to hear about a "seed" which has found some rich, healthy ground to grow. My lesson of lent has been the need to be less self absorbed and return to life of “service”. … I’m a work in progress, baby steps... but at least in a forward direction.
Sarah, your witness is a powerful one, and I feel that I am on holy ground. I need to humbly remove shoes, as Moses did, rather than offer comments that might only be perceived as shallow. Thank you for sharing at this depth and honoring the intent of this blog.
It is more prudent to comment on my own experience, which is the need to let go of the seed casing, the dried dead, so that new life could spring forward in me. Or rather, letting it go has been the gift of God, because I could not do it myself. The seed casing was the self built up around feelings of abandonment, based on a memory that clearly had become determinative of my life, sending it on a trajectory that did no one much good. So healing has come in the God-given ability to re-examine the memory, to re-think the feelings, and to let go of the false self that has been so carefully built around pain, and then defended. Letting go has meant claiming the good gifts given to me by parents, and not holding on to the "dross" or "chaff." In turn, this has allowed me to be less self-absorbed; this self-absorption had robbed me of so much energy for the joy and service that life is meant to hold.
It sounds, Sarah, that you have been ahead of me on this; you have allowed love to prevail over memory and the accusations of your father by others. This has freed you for the significant justice work that you are doing. Thanks for being my teachers, Sarah and Judy, as I continue to grow in grace.
Thanks Judy and Pastor Sam, Maybe that is the clear and the cloudy, the balance of self and service. The back and forth and the questions are like a spiritual workout. That clear then cloudy may be the tension that exists between suffering and joy. Maybe this tug of war between self interest and selfless service and other opposing forces is why God created the Trinity--to create balance and lead to truth.
Pastor Sam:
ReplyDeleteLast week's blog question and reading were so difficult that I actually did the reading 3 times on 3 different days. It is this whole question of the dying of self or false selves. And why does Jesus say the seed is dead when it contains life in its potential (?) AND false selves are part of a whole and that wholeness is with God, the good and the bad so even though I seem to be the only one to blog---it is a very good way for me to study and pray, I just think others need to try it, because I am not a blogger in any other "self"----
If you die to self what of the goodness that is a part of that same painful or destructive self. In your sermon one week ago you spoke about a perceived abandonment in your childhood. While that self is destructive at times and blocks rightessness with God, other parts of that abandonment may have taught you for example to use care with you own children, or other children.
I have TONS of childhood pain---orignal abandonment as an orphan, a very ill very powerful and beloved father who went to Federal prison in shame, and when I was 12 I found him having sex in my childhood bedroom with his secretary. When I was 15 he collapsed and died on our kitchen floor, before my eyes. I loved him so much and to this day and every day, good things he taught me re-teach me. Love one another was how he lived and how I aspire to live.
So you talked about dying to that child abandonment and yet your father obviously inspired you.
So these all-so-healthy Zen types how to they view growth through suffering. What is the meaning of suffering? For the seed to grow you have to peel off the dead exterior but it isn't that shell of decay that nurtures the life within? Can you comment on all of this confusion I have been carrying around all week about death of self?
I will tell you that this lent has been the most informing spiritual period of my life. I hear and feel God more than ever and that brings both peace and challenges. It is like I hear a calling to serve but with more prayer comes more questions. Clear then cloudy then clear. I am so grateful to God for bringing me closer to Him. I sense big changes before me, but I am greatly comforted and not afraid, I am not alone and maybe will never be alone again.
Thank you for being a good teacher. I feel very welcome at First Presbyterian.
Peace, Sarah
I loved hearing Sarah’s words… to hear about a "seed" which has found some rich, healthy ground to grow.
ReplyDeleteMy lesson of lent has been the need to be less self absorbed and return to life of “service”. … I’m a work in progress, baby steps... but at least in a forward direction.
Sarah, your witness is a powerful one, and I feel that I am on holy ground. I need to humbly remove shoes, as Moses did, rather than offer comments that might only be perceived as shallow. Thank you for sharing at this depth and honoring the intent of this blog.
ReplyDeleteIt is more prudent to comment on my own experience, which is the need to let go of the seed casing, the dried dead, so that new life could spring forward in me. Or rather, letting it go has been the gift of God, because I could not do it myself. The seed casing was the self built up around feelings of abandonment, based on a memory that clearly had become determinative of my life, sending it on a trajectory that did no one much good. So healing has come in the God-given ability to re-examine the memory, to re-think the feelings, and to let go of the false self that has been so carefully built around pain, and then defended. Letting go has meant claiming the good gifts given to me by parents, and not holding on to the "dross" or "chaff." In turn, this has allowed me to be less self-absorbed; this self-absorption had robbed me of so much energy for the joy and service that life is meant to hold.
It sounds, Sarah, that you have been ahead of me on this; you have allowed love to prevail over memory and the accusations of your father by others. This has freed you for the significant justice work that you are doing. Thanks for being my teachers, Sarah and Judy, as I continue to grow in grace.
Blessings!
Thanks Judy and Pastor Sam,
ReplyDeleteMaybe that is the clear and the cloudy, the balance of self and service. The back and forth and the questions are like a spiritual workout. That clear then cloudy may be the tension that exists between suffering and joy.
Maybe this tug of war between self interest and selfless service and other opposing forces is why God created the Trinity--to create balance and lead to truth.
Wonderful insights!
ReplyDelete